Friday, August 26, 2011

What I told my friend who knows everything.

If reality is perception then therefore reality is debatable and no one has the right to say they know or see anything. You observe the world through your senses and these senses are constantly manipulated and corrupted as well as the amount of information you take in through them is but a fraction of what is actually going on and therefore altogether incomplete. This leads to two points of interest. First is that much of what you think you know is a lie. As your eyes looks at the world your mind translates and try’s to make sense of it all. Do not think your mind is always right you are constantly mistaking things around you and these mistakes warp what you call truth. The same thing happens with all your senses and reality suffers. So the reality you think you know is a lie and you are the one that’s lying. The second point of interest is that you are just barely observing the universe. Try an experiment with me. Look at this paragraph and see how many of the words you can look at at once. Try to take in everything instantly. Then look up and try to see how much of your world you can in at once. You are severely limited in your intake of info. What you call reality is just you fumbling through the universe randomly looking at insignificantly small pieces of data in an infinite amount of information that is constantly changing and evolving without you. But even with what your paying attention to you are limited by your mind and can only see and perceive just so much detail. So how is it that we are not just slamming our heads into brick walls as we stumble around? Our mind compensates our lack of information with memory. We slowly collect information over the years that helps fill in the gaps of knowledge that our senses leave out and remember that you’re constantly wrong so these memories are also fraudulent. But this leaves us with one more point of interest. Reality is in your head. You memories and knowledge are what build your perception not your senses. Your senses just give your mind its reference material for the present and you just make up the rest. So next time you think you know something remember that all you’re doing is sitting in your head making up reality with a wealth of false information just telling yourself that you know what’s going on.

Monday, August 22, 2011

A pretty little flower

I had a friend go to the hospital today because he didn’t listen to me. He is what I like to call a “Fiend”. He almost seems like he’s uncomfortable in his own skin and is always trying to get high or drunk or anything to distort himself from reality and always on everyone else’s dime. He is currently out of weed and booze so he called me to see if I had anything I could donate to his stoner charity unforntuetly though I’ve been dry for a couple of days. He asked me “What can I smoke to take the edge off”. I told him “You can get some so called “incense” from the head shop in town. “ But he said that that was not an option for him so I happened to mention salvia but told him not to smoke it without a sitter. Turns out his roommate had some and he then proceeded to roll a fat blunt and sat on the back porch and started to burn it down disregarding my advice completely. This is when all hell broke loose. He didn’t know that it’s not a relaxing good time drug it is an incredibly fast incredibly strong hallucinogenic. He started to trip balls and dropped his joint directly onto the cushion of his chair. Unable to realize what was going on he sat there as the chair burst into flames and he along with it. He then ran screaming off his porch into the street behind his house where he was nearly killed by a passing car. The driver called an ambulance and helped put out the flames. He now has 3rd degree burns all over his stomach and arms and is missing eyebrows and his goatee. Personally I think he looks better than before but that’s just me. So now I will tell you all about salvia so that this doesn’t happen again. Salvia is to weed as the “Tower of Terror” ride is to the “Lazy river” ride. As a drug classification it is a Level 9 supper fast acting hallucinogenic. As you take your 1 hit off it you will be forcibly pulled into a world of your own making as your brain is momentarily poisoned. This pulling will be fast. You will not be able to just relax into it. You will be completely incoherent while you are on it. The trips themselves change from person to person. Mine was the feeling of everything spinning around me and then half my body disappeared as I was put into a space of complete emptiness. One of my friends said he was on the top of a mountain and he remembers the wind on his face and cold of the snow on the ground. Some people say they just laughed uncontrollably for about 5 minutes But it’s not uncommon to have bad trips like seeing people die that you know or just being freaked out for no reason and a bad trip on salvia is like no other it is hell for brief moment and that is why you never take it if your in a bad mood or a bad place in your life. These trips are also very fast and end as quickly as they start. I once did one on a 15 min break at work and was completely sober by the time I got back. Its just that fast. If you want to try it get a sitter load a bowl (never a joint my friend nearly O.D.) and use a torch lighter to take the whole bowl at once and never do more than 3 bowls in a day. It is not that dangerous but treat it with respect if you don’t look good without eyebrows.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

"And now if I may have a small moment of your time here are some of my stoned ramblings. Thank you."

Ahhh. Sweet serenity is my weed. How can something so simple be so helpful? I’m sitting at a rest stop smoking my cares away and all is better. First hit and the key on my mind is turned and as the door swings open. Out spills my frustration and anxiety and I smile as I wave them goodbye. And the space they left behind is filled with peace and all is well again. How can something so simple be so illegal? Because as I sit here I also have to keep watch for cops and that gives such a dark cloud to this activity. I mean how am I doing anything wrong? How can something so simple be so hated? I even can’t go home now. Not till I sober up and air out my shirt. They will look at me with a look of disappointment letting me know what they think of this activity and of me by my association. How can something so simple be so complicated?
As I sit here I ponder my questions owe so baked while baking from the heat of my car I find my balance of thought by exploring the points of it. Because there is nothing wrong with weed right? It’s safer than alcohol and less addictive and detrimental than cigarettes so what’s the point of this hatred? It just takes you from your normal reality and puts you in a better one for a while. But then again that itself is a bad thing. To be taken from reality is to give you a false viewpoint of the world and no one can say that a lie is a positive thing even if it is just for a moment. At times I may want to believe a beautiful lie rather than this harsh reality and once that happens I may let my world fall to shit forsaking it for my beautiful lie. But once again balance must be used if a rational thought is my goal so I say that the good outweighs the bad. Plus I’m still here no matter how much I may want to just say fuck it all I’m still fighting this good fight of reality and that may be because of weed. Cause if it wasn’t for weed I’d gone postal and killed you all years ago. I’m just motivation away from being an evil scientist after all. And I'm a clever bastard, you would all be zombies within a year. So I self medicate and everyone does in one way or another and my way is very affective at putting me at peace so go back to the masses and help them with a smile while I secretly plot there demise. But then I realize that in the end in a universe so vastly larger than my comprehension my actions during my brief blip of time on this speck in middle of the galaxy are insignificant and therefore I should really just live my life the best way I know how and not worry about something that really doesn’t matter.
Ahhh. Feels good to justify my actions. Happy smoking :)

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

sober again

The people I’m staying with have a strict no smoking policy and they have no internet so my life has changed drastically and not exactly in good ways. I’m currently sitting at a Starbucks and the counter girl is giving me dirty look because I've been here for a couple hours and I haven’t ordered anything. I know this place well, this feeling this state of being. The whole drifting existence sucking life from the world to keep myself alive without working. This is actually the 3rd time I’ve been jobless and houseless mooching off my friends. But then again it’s not that bad if you can keep your head above water. That said I’m still looking at my wallet like its let me down somehow like my lack of caffeine and weed is somehow its fault but I have to tell my self the truth less I believe my idiotic finger pointing. I know my position is my fault I am the master of my destiny my past and future are mine alone to sculpt and make better and just as a sculptor has to take a block of nothing and put in time and effort to make something better so do I. And at times the stone block breaks and all your hard work has been ruined and there are few things as enthusiasm killing as failure but you cant blame the block because the marble block is not going to fix things for you only you can do that. So this ramblings thought has lead me to scrape together 2.50 from my car and I’m feeling like a big steaming cup of reality so I can finally put in some applications online.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

A muted climax

Well a climax was finally met. Though it wasn’t what I expected. Yesterday Nee told me that I’ve worn out my welcome and needed to leave. It turns out that Mes has been repeatedly bad mouthing me to her telling her that I caused the fight and that all the drama is my fault. (Try to remember that she was there for the fight and saw everything and she is still believing him) He’s saying that if she didn’t tell me to leave then he would take matters into his own hands to remove me. At this point I would like to see him try. I’m too pissed off at him to pull punches this time. But Nee is so afraid of him that she doesn’t know how to say no. That whole house is so afraid of him honestly. He doesn’t live there and she can’t stand him but all he has to do is yell and threaten her and she does everything and anything that he tells her to do. He’s got her convinced that the cops will listen to him and take her to jail if he calls them. He keeps saying that he’ll get them to do a hair follicle test which is complete bullshit. There is no weed at the house, nothing illegal at all, but she still believes the lying sack of shit. I’m staying on a friends couch for the next few days. I can’t stay here long but at least it something. I guess I’m paying for not taking measures into my own hands and putting him out of everyone else’s misery when I had the chance.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Go ahead and laugh. It is funny....

I don’t know how I left out the best part of that story. The next morning I went back to my place and passed out on the couch (I actually only got about 3 hours of sleep the night before). One of my friends came over to my place early that morning to give me a gag present of a set of anal beads. I don’t remember him coming over but he says that I told him to come in when he knocked but never got off the couch and was incapable of really answering any questions I just kind of moaned a lot and told him to leave. I was still pretty drunk at the time. So he took the gag gift out of the box to mess with them for a bit and then left it on the coffee table. Well my mother wanted to come by to see me cause I didn’t see my on her birthday. And when she got there (without calling before hand) she walked in without knocking (I now lock my doors compulsively by the way). I rolled over and moaned still not coherent and my mom proceeds to pick up the small black beaded device not knowing what it was. After holding and smelling it for a bit she found the box with the words Rascal Links XL Anal Beads. Now the hilarious part is that she started yelling at me saying “what is this?!? Why do you have it?!?!” The whole time she screaming this at me she’s rubbing the “device” back and forth across my face with a very disappointed and angry look on her face. So as I wake up, owe so very confused mind you because I didn’t remember my friend coming over at all to give me them, and I get to see my mom rubbing anal beads on my face and the first thing I think is that they are so warm. Lol. Isn’t it great when your emotional scaring is funny?

Friday, August 5, 2011

Smokers nostalgia

Things have been quiet. Nee went on a trip to get away from the madness and Mes hasn't came around. I know with the legal issues I’ve been having I should slow down with the tokeing for bit but I have smoked so much in the last few days. I think I’ve cleared 3 ounces in 3 days. And as I’m sitting here I start to remember some of my favorite times in my life. So instead of a manically depressed blog let me tell you about my 21st birthday. Its one of my favorite stories. You see at the time I worked at a call center taking calls for Xbox and I really wanted to have an actual party for once so I invited people from work and all 4 of my friends. Well it turned out that my non-work friends and my work friends had very different schedules that day. My work friends get off work around 10pm and my real friends go to work around 10pm on that day. So I went with the larger group and had the party after 10 which meant the people that I could actually count on coming couldn’t that night. Now I took two days off so as to make the best party ever. I spent 600 dollars for the party (mostly on booze) and made a 1200 jello shots stacked into a 3 foot tower and I had a bunch of dry ice in a tub about 2 feet above with a slow water drip over it to make smoke waterfall fall into the room. I got a strobe light and set it up in the corner of my living room and set up little 4 inch speakers all over the place with subwoofers on the floor. There was pizza and pretzels and subway sandwiches. There were bottles upon bottles of booze on every surface just thinking about it brings a tear to my eyes. At the time my drink of choice was everclear. (I was stupid don’t drink it use it in your car for fuel use it as mace against buglers but don’t drink it) I made a drink I found online called the “dead man”. 2 parts everclear to 1 part lemon juice and made a big bear mug of it. When the numbers came out I had about 200 R.S.V.P.’s and around 10 the music was turned on and I sat there waiting for people drinking and as the clock turned to 1am I realized that no one was coming. After about 16 ounces I started drunk texting some of my friends telling them about my near homicidal rage against my so called “work friends” but luckily it turned out that someone I knew was actually throwing a party and this Angel came to get me. She was about 28 and she’s was the sexiest little thing I’ve ever seen. Light brown skin, tig-o-bittys, and just fucking awesome. You know that girl that is just so fun and funny and awesome that even if you didn’t have a throbbing erection when she as much looked at you you would still want to hang out with her every day? Well that’s her. I knew her through someone else and every time we had seen each other previously she always told me of all of her recent crazy sexual conquests. I don’t think I’ve ever fapped to anyone so much. She was epic and incredibly awesome and she would fuck anything boy girl or otherwise but me. Owe I tried though, but she always said I was too young for her. When she heard what my 21st birthday was coming to she left her party to come get me. And because she is so awesome she brought 2 of her sexy little friends. If you’re currently unzipping let me tell you that this never became a letter to penthouse for a reason I did get a lot of attention and I’ve never sense had so many titties in my face but I didn’t sleep with any of the girls. Not even a handy J. So sad… Well they came by did a shit ton of jello shots with me and then took me, and about half of the jello shots, to there party and that’s the part of night where I started to black out. I have glimpses of the evening and they said that I drank and drank and threw up and drank but I don’t remember. What I do remember was the morning after. I woke up lying across a chair inside the house with my head in a trashcan about half full of vomit. My pants were gone and my head was spinning. There were smiley face stickers on my nipples and there was a girl with a bow on her head and she was covered in permanent marker signatures. They told me that she passed out and they all signed her and put a bow on her head to make her a present for me but I passed out before I could unwrap it. In the backyard was the funniest thing I think I've ever seen. You see my jello shots were a little stronger than everyone thought. They actually caught on fire if you put a lighter to them. The back yard looked like a genocide seen with people hanging over chairs and just laying across things randomly as if the passed out in mid stride. After that I smoked my hangover away with a small crowd of half zombified people. I think that was a successful 21st.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

the Mes continues

Things haven’t been as quiet as I hoped. The restraining order hasn’t been filed just yet (though the cops did tell Mes to not come back) and he’s now constantly trying to come up with as many reasons as he can to come over and cause drama. He stopped by to give a doll to his daughter and ended up staying for hours. He passed out on the couch and raided the fridge a few times. His ex-wife (lets start calling her Nee) told me and her son (lets call him Darko he’s my best friend and the reason I’m here) not to cause trouble. So we sat on the porch and waited to kick his ass if he did anything. It ended up with him getting mad about everyone sitting on the porch and that no one was sitting with him. He left screaming at Nee telling her that everything is her fault and that he was going to get her kids taken away. After that the cops came again turns out he called them saying that we were beating the 4 year old girl and smoking reefer around her. They just talked for a minute and then left. I’m at a point now where I’m seeing a bit of a pattern and I know he’s not going to stop till we come to some type of climax. The thought that goes through my head is that I want to control that climax. I can get him to flip out and do something to get him arrested but I'm not sure if causing a lot of drama is right. In the end this isn’t even my family or my battle and there are kids involved and too many complications for me to make an informed judgment about this. What ever I do I need to think fast cause last time he was here he had a gun in his truck and he’s mentioned to a lot of people his intention to turn me to hamburger. Cross your fingers for me.

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Mes part 2

Well my opinion has changed in the last couple of days. Let me tell you what happened. Mes had woken up at around 4pm and went to get some food from the fridge. Upon opening the fridge he found that some type of food that he always kept there wasn’t there anymore. Keep in mind that he hasn’t lived here in months. He goes into a fit of rage accusing his ex-wife of throwing it out. I didn’t want to be around the drama so I left. I went into the back yard to smoke a joint or two that I had saved for such a moment. A joint filled hour passes and as I call my sticky friends too roached to smoke anymore I hear a loud commotion. At first I tell myself to stay out of it but as the yelling got louder and louder I thought I should just go to make sure things didn’t get violent. As I got up on the porch Mes was screaming all red faced telling his ex-wife that he was going to kill her. As he started to get closer to her I put myself between them to keep things calm and he attacked me. He tried to choke me and I pushed him to the ground. When he fell his leg got tangled in a little plastic tricycle and even though I didn’t think it was possible he got even louder. This time he got in my face telling me he was going to come back when no one was around and kill me. I know he’s a blowhard but he’s still 6’4 and 3 times my weight so my heart was racing but I was also very stoned so I stood there the entire time with a poker face from hell. Eventually the walking pile of crotch rot limped out to his car while calling the police telling them that there was weed at the house and that we attacked them. We couldn’t hide the weed with Mes right there so I left in my car to draw him away. I thought I could outrun him but his truck was better than my car he ended up running me off the road into a ditch just after that the cops showed up. After taking our statements they told him to leave and let me go back to the house. They knew Mes. They have seen his leg swell and he still said that I caused the swelling by knocking him down. The cops instantly called him on his bull shit. They found no contraband but I smelled like “a whole field of weed” according to the cop but I still got off with a warning. Mes is now trying to weasel his way back into the household by saying that it was all a misunderstanding. His ex is filing a restraining order. From what I have seen I don’t think I really have to worry about him actually trying to kill me. Still the fucking bastards got me sleeping with a gun under my pillow.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Good bye Mes

I find myself in an interesting place that makes me happy that a have a blog right now. Let me start out by explaining a guy. Let’s call him Mes. Mes is one of the worst people I have ever met. He is an old meth head. He’s murdered and sold drugs and been in out of prison his whole life. His family hates him. He is every shade of racist lying asshole that you can think of. His 3 year old girl won’t even see him. He has worked so hard to keep his marriage from ending, not in a good way mind you through threats and manipulation, but he is now divorced and has a big restraining order on him. He has no one that gives a fuck about him because of the life that he has chosen to live. He has some type of sickness right now though. He is extremely overweight (450 to 550) with the typical beer belly and no ass. His leg started hurting him about 6 months back and now it has swollen up by three times its size and the skin is splitting and has long red lines all through it. He is too stubborn to go to the hospital. He knows he is dieing so he showed up last night at the house of the woman of that’s letting me stay in her shed. He is now demanding that she let him stay here. They screamed for hours I could hear it out in the shed. He is threatening to say some things to the police about this mother of 4 that could prove less than positive for her and by extension her kids too. She is between a rock and a hard place so she is letting him stay in her bed while she sleeps on the couch. So now this rotten old man is dieing not 10 feet away and I can’t decide how to feel about it. Happy about this pile of shit about to leave this earth and by that make it a better place? Or should it be pity for this old man about to die. Sure everything about him makes me want to light him on fire but I know he is in a great amount of pain by the way he barely breaths and moans every time he moves and I can’t help but feel bad for him. I am full of conflicting thoughts so I ask for yours.